Anomaly by Derra Nicole Sabo Book Tour and Giveaway :)
Anomaly
by
Derra Nicole Sabo
Genre:
Biography
It's
3am...While most minds are in a blissful state of slumber, mine is
wide awake conjuring and pondering endless thoughts. Eyes are fixated
on the dark popcorn ceiling above and ears are soaking in blue tunes
as my autopilot mind becomes overwhelmed with the past, future and
every cherry topped dream in between.
These
thoughts range from warm and fuzzy to dark and slightly crippling.
Sometimes I wish that my mind had an off switch so that I could power
down at night. No such luck. So, wakie wakie! Grab yourself a coffee
and a snack because it's 3am and I have so many thoughts to share
with you.
Wires
and Veins
Well
hello there, gorgeous world, it has been some time since you and I
have had an uncomfortably deep conversation. These days I have been
spinning in an auspicious state of denial, visibly hiding from the
demons and dark thoughts. If I may take a moment to confess, it is
extremely exhausting trying to deny one’s brokenness. I don’t
know why I would even feel the need to hide from the dark thoughts
and demons that reside in the back allies of my mind. They are as
much a part of me as I am them. To be honest, I ponder if I would be
the same human(ish) if their existence was obliterated.
Freak
Misfit
Outcast
Damaged
These
black light words will eternally reside on my flesh, seeping down
into the bottom left corner of my pulsating brain. iDerra is who I
am, it’s who you young Frankensteins created. A human heart with a
mechanical mind, wires and veins intertwining inside a titanium bone
frame disguised with German/ Irish freckled flesh. I wasn’t always
half robotics, once upon a time ago I resided in the mortal world.
But, as the years aged my young innocence, societal attacks that I
was unprepared for exploded. Two choices stood before my torched
self, exhale one last carbon breath or deeply inhale a puff of
chilled oxygen and stand up. The first option felt calming, yet an
unknown source within forced the latter.
Thus,
was created Derra 2.0, quite a long and mentally torturous journey
was taken to get to that point, but I suppose it’s better than
waving the white flag.
There
are many aspects of life that I am unsure of, but there is one aspect
that I am 100% solid on and that is Me. I am acutely aware of my
inner workings, why I do things and why I say things. There is always
a method to my madness. I was never and won’t ever be
one of those humans who can say, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t
thinking.” Or “I had no idea I did that.” Because I do know. As
useful as this characteristic may seem, trust me when I say that it
isn’t exactly what it’s cracked up to be. I sometimes wish that I
had a smidgen of ignorance, sometimes. My point with this fun little
fact is that when I say that I am broken it rings true. This is not a
word that I lightly throw about to gain pity, sympathy or the spot
light. It is a mere fact. I am broken.
I
am going to let you in on a little secret (are you listening?), we
are all broken on varying levels, I just choose to not suffocate that
part like most do. I did try to once, back when it was safe to be
one’s self, but the outcome was silently suicidal. Hiding who I am
to keep your comfort intact is a mission I can no longer carry out,
for the end result will consist of my self-destruction. That’s okay
though, we all need to party in the uncomfortable zone from time to
time. Discomfort brings out the thoughts and issues we work like hell
to ignore but need to feel. Stop ignoring them, open the door that
leads to your dark place and face your demons (fears, doubts,
insecurities, past monsters) one at a time. Discomfort causes a chain
reaction of human growth personally and publicly.
So,
here we are world, just you and I. How about we grab a latte, a
chocolate croissant and talk about the thoughts from my broken brain.
P.S.
Me being me, I usually attach a playlist containing the songs that
temporarily calm the chaos of my cerebral storm, however the lyrical
inspiration is too vast for this particular project. Therefore, I am
sharing the top 5 artists/bands on my “Morphine” playlist…
Fall
Out Boy
Eminem
Beyoncé
Twenty-One
Pilots
Blink
182
There
you go, there’s your aspirin for those life migraines.
Headphones…
coffee… face the world… bed... repeat.
As
someone with anxiety, writing is my way of speaking. When my verbal
skills fail, my pen excels. I have always had something to say to the
world and to the humans residing in it, I just could never get my
mind and mouth to be on the same level. So, I picked up a pen and
haven't looked back. I have a message for you. A message for my
family, my friends and to all the beating hearts. Dear You is a
letter personally written, from me to you.
Anomaly
When you look up the definition
of this uncommonly used word, it translates to something differing
from the "normal" and quite honestly, that is the best and
only way I could describe my life and even who I am.
It is a weirdly satisfying
feeling when you have completely pulled the dark and uncomfortable
thoughts from the storm inside of your brain. Conjuring up the idea
to do so and the actual process of extraction from the brain to the
laptop, however, is terrifying. The thought that one day the outside
world would be introduced to the monsters in my head and even have an
opinion about them, is well, kind of unfathomable.
Every molecule in my brain told
me not to be so open, not to share this part of me. Let's face it,
while this world is beautiful in it's 4k brillance, there are moments
when a switch is flipped and the cold darkness rushes through. As
tightly knit we are as a human race, we are also equally divided,
especially these days. Smash Mouth had it right all of those years
ago, "It's the end of the world as we know it...".
No matter how loudly my brain
screamed at me to not enter this adventure, my heart screamed louder
for me to jump and start typing (a megaphone always makes a profoud
statement lol). So, with a long deep breath and one final doubtful
thought I grabbed an iced coffee, my laptop, headphones and released
the Gremlins in my head.
There were two main focuses when
jumping down this rabbit hole..firstly, I wanted to be completely
open with every thought that I decided to share. A "no holds
bar", even if it made every bone in my body uncomfortable, which
it did lol. See, I have always believed that it is within the
uncomfortable that we really learn and grow, unfiltered. We have all
heard this before, but how true it is.."glow sticks can't glow
without darkness.".
Secondly, I wanted Anomaly to
read as though you and I are just two friends sitting in a coffee
shop, getting lost in conversation and cold brew coffees with vanilla
sweet cream. I wanted anyone who ended up coming across Anomaly to
know that they're not in any way alone, that while our battles may
differ slightly or while the generations may span out, I know...I get
it.
It is so important to continue
the mental health conversation, it is so important to continue to
shine that 80 watt bulb on the monsters of Anxiety, Depression and
Suicide. This will never be a "one and done" convo,
continuing the chat and spreading the awareness is what's going to
continue to lessen and hopefully end the stigma against mental
health.
To those who fight these battles
I say this to you...Never be ashamed..Never hide your marvelous self
and Never be quiet about your mental health.
To the world, we all have a
battle we are dealing with, they differ in type and size, but these
battles are being fought. With this knowledge, we should all have a
more understanding mind.
Hidden Pieces
There are several layers to
Anomaly, some that the naked mind may not pickup on..
First, the storm painted around
my left eye represents the storm inside my mind, a storm that's been
thundering since day one. I wanted you to see what has always been
hidden away inside. My best friend, Coryn, is the master artist
behind that storm. She was able to take my vision and paint it on my
face. The perfect storm created from eyeshadows and white liquid
eyeliner.
Purple, this was a definite when
creating Anomaly, it just ran through every thought. Purple means
creativity, wisdom, power and magic. These being the traits that I
wanted stitched into every conjured up piece. It also happens to be
my favorite color, a color I feel a sense of calm from.
The tempo of Anomaly needed to
be a balance of discomfort and a warm hug. While I needed the calm
purple thoughts to intertwine, I wanted to make your mind think, open
up and possibly even transform a bit. I wanted to dance with you
under the eeiry silence of the beautiful midnight sky.
The scent of Anomaly is a
soothing mix of cinnamon and vanilla..yes, I actaully smelled these
two comforting scents while writing Anomaly. My senses are kinda
crazy, but when writing any new piece, my senses starting spinning. I
don't just picture how my writing is going to look, I hear and feel
the entire process. Which brings me to the reasoning as to why I
always curate a playlist to my work, why I place a lyrical quote at
the end of each piece..Music has always calmed my overdriven mind,
even as a baby. Music calms, it inspires, it brings my world
together, it keeps me intact. Music doesn't just cause you to shake
what your Mama gave you, it heals the wounds that are hidden inside.
Music is writing in motion.
What can I say...my mind is an
anomaly.
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